Why Do Addicts Blame Others?

Self-Justifying and Blaming Others for Our Addiction

“I sit curled in a ball on the floor of my closet, crying so hard that I feel like I’m going to throw up. How could my family have done this to me? How could my father have cheated on my mom for all of those years, and how could she have ever tried to kill herself? Didn’t they see how much it affected me? Sure I pretended I didn’t care, I pretended to be strong when they were weak, but look at me now, deep in addiction, strung out on dope and crack and booze, and wanting to die.

They did this to me, and now they are kicking me out of their lives. This is all their fault and they are going to make it worse again. No wonder I’m like this, the only thing I’m worthy of is being a drug addict, so I’ll show them.”

Fast forward three years. I’m sober, and I haven’t felt like I wanted to die in a very, very long time. The person that was thinking those thoughts of blame and shame is gone. I couldn’t tell you exactly when she finally left, but I can tell you that the woman I am now wouldn’t even recognize the girl I used to be.

My mother and I have a beautiful relationship, and I have forgiven my father for the decisions he made. I live a happy life, even when it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, and today I am no longer given the luxury of self-justifying my addiction.

Addiction Did Not Just Stop

But I didn’t get this way overnight. It took me two years and six relapses before I finally realized that the only person that was to blame for my addiction was me. Even in those brief periods of sobriety between slip-ups, I was not convinced that my mother’s enabling and my father’s infidelities were not the reasons why I used.

However, the time finally came, when I was beaten down because of my own making, that I realized that no one was force-feeding me booze, no one had held the crack pipe to my lips or stuck a needle in my arm beside me.

I was the one who allowed my life to turn into the endless spiral that it had become. I was the culprit, and could no longer self-justify my actions. This was the moment that my entire perception changed.

I had half-assed worked some of the 12 Steps before this, but for the first time, I came back into the rooms with every intention of absorbing as much as I possibly could to recover. I started seeing a therapist, and I started to truly get better.

All I had to do was arrive at the realization that I was the only person that was in charge of my feelings and my actions. Once I was able to do that, taking back control over my life became far easier than I thought possible, because I understood that the effort was worth it.

Disillusioned by My Addiction

It is a commonality for addicts to become disillusioned by their addiction. Drugs and alcohol completely take over and control a person’s ability to differentiate the truth from the false. It turns them into master manipulators and fills them with so much shame and guilt that many addicts continue to turn the blame onto others.

The truth is, in the beginning, most addicts don’t have any idea why they turned to drugs and booze in the first place. After some sobering up and 12-step work, we are given the tools we need to be able to identify how everything in our life that hurt us was actually of our own making, and that drugs and alcohol are not the only solutions to our discomfort.

This stage of the process is the 4th step in recovery – and it can be the turning point for so many recovering addicts and alcoholics. It lays it out, in our own handwriting, all of the resentments and harms and fears that infiltrate our lives, and allows us to see how these things are all just figments of our own perception.

When people harmed us in the past, and we retaliated, or vice versa, we are often left with a self-righteousness that allows us to validate our use and our behavior without having to feel guilty.

When we complete our 4th step, we are required to divulge the information to a spiritual person – usually a sponsor or a religious body. This process is meant to show us OUR PART in all of the painful experiences in our lives and make us aware of the character defects we have held onto and even cherished. We can no longer self-justify our actions, we have to be willing to accept the events and work towards making them right.

Blaming Others

Blaming others for our pain and our behaviors is a manipulation tool that many different people are guilty of, however, addicts and alcoholics have to be willing to see their own side if they want to stay sober. Think of it as a humbling of our pride, an admitting and accepting of our problems, and a willingness to perceive the truth although it may be painful or difficult.

When it comes down to it, if we have to choose between rationalizing, explaining, and self-justifying each and every moment of our lives, the small effort that working the steps and staying sober takes is minuscule in comparison. We can develop healthy relationships with our friends and loved ones.

We can become responsible people who live by a code of honesty and integrity. When we were out in the streets, we may have boasted about how good we were, how our word was our bond, when it probably couldn’t have been any farther from the truth. We probably spent hours convincing others to play by our rules and succumbing to our demands.

We brought chaos with us wherever we went, regardless if it was in the outside world or if it was only inside our minds. Today, we have the option to be free of the burdens, of the lies, of self-justification. The road of honesty isn’t paved with diamonds or easy living, but it is much more rewarding and carefree than the life we were used to.

Recognizing the Signs of Substance Abuse

When taking a victim stance with our alcohol or drug abuse, it can become difficult to recognize when our damaging behaviors have reached the point of a full-blown addiction. Once you have made the decision to accept that you may be addicted to drinking or drug use, it can help to know how to recognize the signs of addiction.

Some of the most common signs that may indicate that you have a substance use disorder include:

• Using drugs or alcohol to self-medicate negative emotions, thoughts, and feelings.
• Distancing yourself from friends and family members due to shame or guilt about your drug or alcohol abuse, or in order to hide your substance use.
• Losing large amounts of time and money using, getting, or recovering from drugs or alcohol.
• Facing social, work, financial, or other consequences from drug or alcohol use.
• Being unable to quit substance use on your own.
• Developing withdrawal symptoms when trying to reduce or stop your substance use.

If you recognize any of these behaviors in yourself, then it is likely that you are struggling with an active addiction. While this can be a hard reality to accept, there is hope. Seeking out professional treatment programs can help you regain control over your life and stop using drugs and alcohol for good.

How Is Drug Addiction Treated?

Addiction is a chronic disease, and those struggling with substance abuse disorders can need significant physical and emotional support in order to overcome this condition. Even with the best intentions, without the right tools and resources, many addicted individuals run the risk of relapse during the early recovery stages.

This is why there are many addiction treatment and mental health services available to those struggling with substance abuse. This may include seeking out services such as inpatient and outpatient rehab, medication-assisted treatment, and dual diagnosis treatment.

You may even benefit from participating in sober support groups, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA), or a secular alternative organization. If you have an underlying mental illness or other co-occurring medical condition, more intensive treatment options will be a better fit for your needs.

If you are not sure what recovery services will work for you, you can speak with a Find Addiction Rehabs representative today to find treatment programs nationwide that best fit your recovery needs and wants.

FAQs in Addition to Why Do Addicts Blame Others

Why Do People Become Addicts?

There are many reasons why someone may begin abusing drugs or alcohol, and anyone is capable of developing an addiction. With that being said, there are a few risk factors that can make someone more prone to substance abuse, including:

• Genetics. Having a family history of addiction can make a person more likely to develop this condition.
• Environment. Having an unstable home, work, or school environment can make individuals more likely to start abusing substances.
• Mental Health. Having an undiagnosed or untreated mental illness can cause people to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol.
• Stress. High-stress lifestyles or environments can lead people to alcohol and drug abuse as a coping mechanism.

Do Addicts Know They Are Hurting You?

The way that substance abuse can affect a person’s behavior can often cause them to go against their better human nature and do whatever it takes to get their next hit. Unfortunately, this can mean bulldozing over and mistreating the people they love.

Abusing drugs and alcohol can quickly turn a previously healthy and mutual connection with their loved ones into a bad relationship. However, having an addiction does not mean that they are a bad person. Rather, they are a struggling person with bad, and often uncontrollable habits.

If your family member, friend, or other loved one is struggling with addiction, you may have found yourself on the receiving end of some nasty and manipulative behavior. It is important to keep in mind that this is no fault of your own, and is often not a true reflection of the person causing you harm.

Of course, this does not excuse their behavior. But, it may help to know that the addicted individual’s harsh behavior is by no means your fault, or even theirs. Rather, it is just an unfortunate side effect of their addictive habits.

How Can I Support Someone With an Addiction?

When dealing with an addicted loved one, it can be hard to know how to handle this situation. In some cases, you may be able to convince them that they need help and get them into treatment. Holding professional intervention services can help them understand the severity of their substance abuse, and provide them with the resources they need to start getting help.

Finding an addiction specialist to help carry out this intervention will be crucial to its success. These conversations can be hard and bring up a lot of repressed emotions, which may make the addicted individual feel cornered or ambushed. Going about the intervention process with professional guidance can help make them much more successful.

You may even want to offer financial support to your loved one to help them pay for rehab, as the cost of treatment can make many people turn away from this, especially if they do not have insurance. Pitching in to lower these expenses can be just the push your loved one needs to start their rehabilitation process.

However, if the addicted individual is only continuing to spiral, it is important to put yourself first and take a step back from the relationship. The only person who can make the decision to get help is the addicted individual. All you can do is help push them in the right direction, without sacrificing your own mental or physical well-being.

Can Addiction Be Cured?

Addiction is a chronic disease, meaning it will take constant work and effort to maintain your symptoms and avoid relapse. With that being said, having the right tools and resources to keep you on track with your recovery can make staying sober a breeze.

If you have recovered from an addiction, then you know that there may be triggering people, places, and things that can tempt you back into old habits. Knowing how to avoid these temptations and stick to your sobriety will be the biggest element in your recovery from addiction.

Stop Blaming Others and Get the Help You Need to Overcome Addiction, Today!

If you have found yourself or a loved one suffering from alcoholism or addiction, you are not alone! If you are ready to change your life and live free of addiction, then Find Addiction Rehabs can help.

We give you the jump start to recovery you need, with facilities matched to your needs across the country. For a confidential consultation and to get options for recovery now, reach out today!

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