Sobriety as a newcomer can be a tricky and fragile beast for many people who are working on getting better. There are a lot of suggestions that we hear in these rooms to help us stay sober, you know the ones, get a sponsor, work the steps, go to meetings, pray. However, sometimes it can be hard to hear the mistakes in sobriety that people made because in early recovery it can be pretty easy to zone out during people’s shares. So we have compiled a list of Dont’s that every newcomer should hold close to. Take it from me, I have tried each of these, and failed miserably.
Not Asking for Help
Okay, so when we come in here, most of us have been relying solely on our wits and manipulation skills to get what we needed. We never wanted to ask for help unless it meant getting money to continue our behaviors. So when we come into these rooms and are told we have to reach out to people and share our… god forbid, feelings, it can often be the last thing we want to do. So here are some tips to make the whole thing less awkward.
- Get Over Yourself: Yeah, yeah. Get mad at me, that’s fine, but here is the deal man, if you don’t drop that ego, and just walk up to someone and ask for help, you will die. Plain and simple. Because we are just like that. Just raise your hand and say you are new. It’s that easy.
- Network: This is a little more gentle, and a whole lot less anxiety-inducing than raising your hand and admitting you’re hurting, but once you get one sober support, latch onto them. They will introduce you to all of their friends, and bam! You’re working your way towards the middle.
Sobriety Sabotage Surrounding Yourself with Temptation
Now, this is where it can get sticky for people, depending on what you’re into. For me, it is always food and the relationships. I guess I should probably throw in there bars, restaurants with drinking, concerts, the strip club, casinos. You name it. Now granted, this is only in early recovery, as once we work the 12 steps, our obsession to drink and drug is lifted and we can then return to normal life and temptation won’t be an issue.
- Stay Away From the Nightlife: Don’t worry, you aren’t missing out. In reality, you are going to save a lot of money and anxiety by staying far away from the scene. Being around drunk people when you are sober sucks, but once your obsession to drink is lifted, you can go out to dinners with sober friends, and be grateful you are no longer that drunk person being carried out of the restaurant. Just wait until you have some time and never go alone.
- Relationships are NOT WORTH IT: Sure, you are probably feeling lonely. But let’s be honest, we are all broken and miserable when we get here, and we most definitely attract what we are, so why make an already stressful situation more stressful by adding some other sick and twisted up soul into your life?
24 Hour Addiction Treatment Hotline – Get Help Now
Not Coping with Failure
This is a hard one, as many addicts and alcoholics tend to be somewhat of a perfectionist in one way or another. It can be a struggle for us to first, admit humility, and second, face up to the fact that we are here for a reason, that reason being that our self-will has failed us. Understandably, we should probably just suck it up and realize that we are never going to be perfect, we are human and we are designed to make mistakes in sobriety.
We make these mistakes in sobriety because it allows us to learn. If you are anything like me, you most likely have to always learn the hard way, but that’s okay. Learn however way you want, as long as it doesn’t involve harming someone else, or picking up.
Not Dealing with Anger
“Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it, stem all sorts of spiritual disease…” page 64, Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
When something upsets us or angers us, we have to learn healthy ways to overcome and move past it. You will learn when you work a thorough 4th and 5th step that all of these moments and events in our lives are actually of our own making, and because of that fact, we are able to learn unconditional love and forgiveness. Here are some tips to help with anger until then….
- Call a Sober Support: Someone with more time who has finished their steps. This person will be able to walk you through this situation so you can see a different perspective. This change of perspective will often help us to see how we are being selfish. Not fun, but very necessary.
- Try just breathing: I know, sounds corny. But if we can learn to control ourselves, our temper, and just our breath, we will find that everything externally doesn’t have as strong of a hold on us. Breathe in a filling 4-second breath, hold for four seconds, and slowly exhale for 8 seconds. Do this three of four times. You will find that you feel completely refreshed afterward.
- HELP SOMEONE ELSE: This is huge. Our whole program is based around helping someone else. This allows us to get out of ourselves. Again, this puts our own situation into perspective. Plus, nothing feels so fulfilling as being of service to another alcoholic.
Save yourself the heartache and the frustration. Take the suggestions, it seems like it is always the harder option at first because we usually want to, as discussed earlier, learn a lesson in the hardest way possible. If you so chose to learn those lessons, I can tell you that you won’t be the first person to get sober to want to try to do it your own way. However, I can also tell you that once you DO finally take suggestions, you will see how many mistakes in sobriety you are able to avoid.
24 Hour Rehab Hotline – Get Help Now
Sobriety – Freedom From Addiction
If you have found yourself or a loved one suffering from alcoholism or addiction, you are not alone! If you are ready to change your life and live free of addiction, then FindAddictionRehabs.com can help. We give you the jump start to recovery you need. Our holistic program is unique in that it doesn’t just treat the addiction, it treats the whole person. For more information on our program, call 1-844-282-0548 today.