Identifying and Overcoming Toxic Relationships in Addiction Recovery

How to Heal From Toxic Relationships While Recovering From Addiction

by: Shebna N. Osanmoh, PMHNP-BC

Healing from toxic relationships in addiction recovery is a transformative process. It requires self-awareness, willpower, and an environment that truly nurtures you. During this journey, unfortunately, toxic relationships and addiction can sabotage your healing and trigger relapses. This can wound you emotionally, mentally, and physically.

In addition to impacting the quality of your recovery, some of those toxic relationships and addictions may actually encourage substance use, manipulate you emotionally, or create an atmosphere that’s hostile to support and nurturing.

Toxic relationships in recovery on the path back from addiction can be sneaky. They can manifest in subtle ways that make them hard to identify. You might only realize how toxic a relationship is when you try to make a lifestyle change. Sobriety can give you the perspective you need to see relationships that were once accepted as normal for what they are.

A toxic relationship is when the other person consistently undermines your recovery efforts. 

That can look like:

No encouragement

When you try to get better, they downplay or discourage your efforts instead of encouraging you.

Guilt

When they use guilt, shame, or emotional blackmail to influence your actions.

Enabling behavior:

When they allow you to use substances or act as if your substance use isn’t a big deal.

Constant criticism or belittlement

This can be verbal or non-verbal.

Unreliability

When they promise to be there for you in your time of need but repeatedly break those promises.

Transferring blame and deflecting accountability

When they refuse to take responsibility for their actions and instead try to blame you and commit verbal and physical abuse.

Introversion and isolation

When they discourage you from spending time with supportive friends and family or attending recovery groups.

Jealousy

When they get controlling or fearful that your improvements will make them less valuable to you.

Gaslighting

When they make you doubt your perception or experience they can control you.

These behaviors aren’t just emotionally distressing—they raise your chances of completely relapsing. Assessing your relationships and whether they build or inhibit your recovery is crucial for your well-being.

Ways in Which Toxic Relationships Hinder Recovery Include

If you are stuck in a toxic relationship while trying to recover from addiction, this could be holding you back in several ways, including:

• Changing stress and anxiety into cravings or relapse.
• Triggering old habits through exposure to your old environment and behaviors.
• When you’re constantly criticized and fed negativity, you may start to feel worthless.
• When a toxic person stops you from attending support meetings or practicing good self-care.
• When an unhealthy relationship becomes dysfunctional due to financial or emotional bonds, that unhealthy co-dependency only strengthens the chains of destruction.
• When long-time belittlement or manipulation prevents you from trusting your own decisions.

Understanding these effects encourages you to set boundaries for your well-being. Staying away from toxic relationships and addiction can be life-altering.

How To Break Free from Toxic Relationships and Reclaim Your Peace

To break free from those toxic relationships and addictions, you need the courage to escape and plan your way out for your well-being. Here’s what you need to do:

1. Choose Your Well-Being Over Toxic Connections

Once you realize how toxic relationships form, you can start your recovery journey. Choosing your own well-being over toxic connections will look something like this:

• Recognizing and acknowledging that toxic relationships and addiction influence further addiction and need to change.
• Setting boundaries that protect your emotional state. Limit situations where even small manipulations or enabling behaviors can occur.
• Seeking support from friends, family members, or therapists and support groups. Professional counseling can help you deal with everything from minor annoyances to serious relationship troubles. Your partner can recover from substance use disorders with the right support and a willingness to seek help.
• Practicing self-care through exercise, meditation, and hobbies. That protects your mind and body and builds you up against toxic relationships and addiction.
• Booking an appointment with a professional who can offer strategies on how to deal with challenging relationships, build self-esteem, and reinforce positive behaviors.
• Learning to say no when you need to. Choosing to walk away from intimate partner abuse is one of the most powerful steps you can take for your healing.

2. Let Go and Heal Yourself

Detaching from a toxic relationship and toxic person is hard. Guilt, fear, or a sense of obligation can hold you back. But remember, keeping those toxic relationships influences addiction and can be detrimental to your well-being. Drug or alcohol addiction recovery means taking care of yourself. Even if you have to let go of relationships that once felt precious.

3. Surround Yourself with People Who Lift You Up

You want to surround yourself with people who support and celebrate your progress. Always try to choose healthy coping mechanisms that support your healing instead of feeding your pain. That means looking for people who:

• Respect your boundaries and your growth. Also, set healthy boundaries.
• Offer honest, productive criticism.
• Encourage healthy habits and a life without any addiction to overcome addiction.
• Offer emotional support without judgment.
• Encourage self-improvement and accountability.

You can find that kind of support in an addiction recovery program like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), or SMART Recovery. Support groups give you a community of peers who understand what you’re going through while overcoming drug or alcohol addiction.

4. Build Healthy Relationships in Recovery

A healthy relationship in addiction recovery looks a lot like any other healthy relationship. It’s built on mutual respect and understanding, encouragement for setbacks, personal growth, and a sense of security and trust. It’s free from manipulations, controls, and enabling behaviors. Building those healthy relationships takes time, especially if you’ve been in unhealthy dynamics for a long time. But the effort you put in can pay off in huge mental and emotional rewards.

5. Choose Support Over Sabotage

Recognizing the toxic relationships and addiction in your life and making a change is critical to maintaining sobriety and living a life worth living in addiction recovery. It’s worth the sacrifice—it will lead to success in the long run. The more you build a circle of people or family members who support you and provide positive influences to promote self-care, the better during your healing and recovery journey.

Toxic Relationships No Longer Need to Be Tolerated in Your Life

The journey to sober living is about positive encouragement, self-reflection, and supportive relationships. That means letting go of the toxic people who hold you back. When life feels overwhelming, you have the power to choose healthy coping mechanisms that support your well-being.

As you grow and take care of yourself, you’ll redefine what it means to live a healthy, substance abuse-free life. Facing a substance use disorder in a partner or family is overwhelming, but you’re not alone. Remember healing is always possible. You’ll have a future that’s richer, fuller, and free of the things that made you wonder why you ever wanted to go back to the way things were.

Author Bio: 

Shebna N. Osanmoh, PMHNP-BC, is a board-certified psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner associated with Savant Care, Los Altos, CA, mental health clinic. He has extensive experience and a Master’s from Walden University. He provides compassionate, holistic care for diverse mental health conditions.