In the continuing series of essays that dealt with personal struggles in (and through) addiction, our panel was reminded of the tremendous reserves of courage and bravery that those struggling with addiction possess. These submissions share powerful words from students on addiction, from a variety of perspectives and from across the United States.
As parents to their own children, many of our entrants strove to break the chains of drinking and drugging to be better role models and for the health of whole families. More than once, the students and writers behind these essays remind us: never give up hope.
1. J.G.(California State East Bay)
I am 37 years old, and I have seen addiction my whole life. I have seen my father struggle with all kinds of substance abuse and ultimately choosing his addiction over family. Not only has it been my father, but it has been my aunts and uncles that I have seen struggle for many years and lose their lives over their addictions.
This is what from a young age I have told myself that I will never use drugs or abuse alcohol and still to this day I have kept that promise to myself. It would have been very easy for me to follow the path of my relatives, but I saw from a young age what it did to them.
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Now that I am older and I look back at my family and the one thing that was missing and I think is needed to help reduce the struggle of addition….is support. They have no support system at all. My relatives on my mother’s side, they were all in the foster care system.
And on my father’s side his mom died from an overdose even though she was a nurse. That is why it is so important for people that want to quit their addictions to have support and not only support when they quit but support for the rest of their lives. Because when you have an addiction you will have that addiction for the rest of your life, addiction is ugly.
In order for an individual to overcome their addictions they need some kind of supportive group of people (friends/ family.) Next, that individual needs some kind of supportive plan to kick the addiction.
Finding a rehab/support group will help put that plan into action. And once the individual gets ahold of the addiction they will still need support from here on out. I think that is where things get a little haywire. The individual gets a hold of the addiction but then goes out into their old world and they soon get triggered by little things. This where a sponsor or their support system has to come into place and help talk with them through their triggers.
All of the rehabs can cost a lot of money and that is where things get a little tricky because many people cannot afford rehab. Which can be one of the biggest excuses for some addicts: they can’t afford rehab. Many people do not know how many free programs are out there for them to help with addictions.
As I have seen, many addicts will find every excuse not to help themselves even if they have support. But I believe the more support the better because once they decide they want to kick the addiction they will know they will have their support system. And it may not work the first few times, but people can’t give up on each other that fast. People need support in these hard times.
2. T.R.G (Kirkwood Community College)
I have had a love for cars for as long as I could remember. When I was a little girl I used to carry my favorite hot wheel car everywhere I went. I don’t have much luck as far as family goes, I spent most of my time alone, getting to know my way around cars on my own.
I choose an associate degree instead of the ASE certifications to get ahead in the field. Unfortunately, in this career field, there are many people who don’t see women as equals, so to get ahead of the stereotypes, I seek to be the best. I am willing to work hard for it. I am a leader, always have been.
I grew up taking care of myself most of the time. I have always been independent. I have been through many troubles in life and have always overcome any struggle that came my way. I struggle with my mental heath every day, within the last 3 years I have made many huge improvements I wasn’t able to make before.
I am outspoken and open minded. I have a strong energy about me. I have a smart mind and a huge heart. I look to the future with a positive mindset. I believe the best things about me, are the quality of a leader. I have the motivation to be somebody. My life has forced me to be strong and independent.
I have made many mistakes along the way and used my experience to my advantage instead of my downfall. I moved out of my mother’s house when I was just 14. I struggled balancing a full-time job and attending high school, I wasn’t able to get through high school on time, when I was 21 I became a mother to Devin.
Devin’s father was a great dad for many years, but about two years ago he started using drugs. His drug addiction changed everything for Devin and I. He doesn’t visit much, and when he does, he is distant. He jumps from couch to couch and hasn’t kept a job. I have struggled with an addiction as well. Shortly after Devin was born, my life did a 360.
I made the worst choice of my life, I tried to numb the things I was feeling with harsh drugs. I was a drug user for 3 years. I made many bad decisions. I became someone I didn’t want to be but was shameful and embarrassed by the things I had done, so much so I refused to ask for help, and coped with the depression by using.
I was an unstable mother, and I missed out on much of the first years of Devin’s life. The decisions I made landed me in prison. I was incarcerated for one year. As crazy as I sound prison was the best thing for me. It kept me off the streets and away from people I was hanging around.
I used my time in prison to take care of my mental health, I started working the steps of NA, which I attend regularly and I earned my HISET. Since my release I have stayed sober and continued to work on taking care of my mental health. I struggle with borderline personality disorder as well as a few other things.
I have been clean and sober since February 4th, 2019. It will be 3 years this February. I have made new, positive friends, and started a life for myself and Devin, who I have full custody of. I am pursuing a career I have wanted for so long and currently working as a mechanic.
Currently I am attending school and working a full time job and raising a little boy. I am applying for scholarships this year to find a way to get through the rest of my time at Kirkwood financially. The next few semesters are going to be more intense than they have been so far. The classes are going to require more time to dedicate to my schooling, which means less time for work.
When I was younger, I gave up my chance at a diploma to keep a job. This time I am going to choose education this time. My options to support my family are limited and I am taking all the help to keep this life I have worked so hard for going in the right direction.
I deserve a scholarship and it would mean more than the world to me. I have worked so hard to get where I am, I can’t give up now. I know who I am, and I know what I can be. I need to set a better example for my baby and be a mother he can be proud of. He deserves a better life then he has had, and so do I. I am going to keep working my butt off to make that happen.
3. M.B. (School Unknown)
When I look back on my life ten years from now, I will think of it as an awakening. Awakening from the days I spent mostly in bed or gaming. Or imbibing. Anything to escape reality.
Anything to avoid the constant nagging. “When are you going to find work?” my mom would ask. “You’ll never find work if you get up at three o’clock every day!” Of course, I would placate her with how I was searching online for a job with the perfect fit. College didn’t work out for me. For now, I was a pizza delivery driver.
It wasn’t easy living with my parents. The stress would start to dissipate each day after a few hours of gaming followed by the IPAs, shots of vodka and a few hits on the bong. I thanked God that I had a girlfriend who understood social anxiety, she suffered from it too. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, months into years.
I did feel bad for my parents at times. I witnessed the horror on my mother’s face all the times she had to struggle to wake me up. I saw the fear in my father’s eyes as he pulled me out of the car and threw me on the lawn.
“You can’t drive like this; you’re going to kill somebody!” I saw sadness when he found me face down in the street at two am with a gash on my forehead. I don’t remember much from that night, or any night.
I do remember vividly the night my family summoned me downstairs to talk to me. My mom was crying. I knew before a single word was spoken. I glanced towards the front door and there stood a single suitcase. “It’s time,” I heard my dad say. The words after that were a blur. “We love you but can’t watch you kill yourself anymore.”
The two-hour ride to the rehab was quiet and awkward. Attempts at conversation were met with a silent wall I built around myself. I was mad. At the rehab, they tried to hug me goodbye, but I shrank from their touch. I wished my mom would stop crying. I wished I could make a phone call, but they took away my phone. I wished my girlfriend hadn’t just broken up with me. As I was led into intake, I looked back. They were searching my suitcase for contraband. I never felt so alone.
Three weeks into my recovery the light began to peek through. I actually felt good. I participated in all the group sessions, and I leaned things I never knew about myself. I was called to the director’s office and awarded what they called the red lanyard. It symbolized leadership and strength. I wore it with pride.
Being looked up to by the other residents was powerful. I led meetings and helped newcomers cope. I felt like my life finally had a purpose. With my time there coming to an end, I decided sober living seemed like the right option for me.
Fast forward two years and I am working full time and co-managing a sober living facility. Managing eleven men suffering from the disease of addiction is not an easy task, but by helping them, I help myself.
I am inspired each time I see the face of a new resident at our house. I want to be that person who awards the red lanyard. I plan on continuing to co-manage my sober house as I transition through school. Support from my family and community played a major role in my recovery.
Staying sober is a daily challenge but I’m determined. I feel focused and driven. I am starting vocational school in October and feel fortunate that the dark days are behind me. I’ve always been interested in the field of technology so my dream of becoming a welder is finally coming to fruition.
I worried about informing my full-time employer that I needed to go part time. Changing careers was a frightening prospect for me. To my surprise, my employer was enthusiastic about my return to school. He agreed to alter my schedule to meet my requirements for my program.
Edward lives and works in South Florida and has been a part of its recovery community for many years. With a B.A. in English Literature from the University of Massachusetts, he works to help Find Addiction Rehabs as both a writer and marketer. Edward loves to share his passion for the field through writing about addiction topics, effective treatment for addiction, and behavioral health as a whole. Alongside personal experience, Edward has deep connections to the mental health treatment industry, having worked as a medical office manager for a psychiatric consortium for many years.
