The ‘Tough Love’ Remedy to Stop Enabling Addiction
Whether we like to admit it or not, many of us know and love an addict. The rise in addiction rates has skyrocketed in the last few decades, and overdose rates are at an all-time high, far surpassing the death toll of killers such as car accidents and gun-related deaths.
So the time to get honest with ourselves about what is going on is now. For those of us who love an addict and don’t know what else we can do to help, there may be only one thing left to do; distance yourself from an addict with love.
It can be difficult to create distance from someone else’s negative behavior, especially if that person lives with or is dependent on you in some way. But setting boundaries is important for making sure that you are taking care of your safety and well-being first.
Keep reading to learn more about how you can distance yourself from an addicted loved one, and how the Find Addiction Rehabs team can connect you with professional help and rehabilitation programs nationwide.
How Someone Else’s Addictive Behavior Can Hurt You
Someone else’s addictive behavior can hurt you in many ways, whether this be emotionally, physically, financially, or in any other aspect. Here are just some of the ways that an addict’s behavior can impact you:
- Emotional pain: Living with an addict can be very stressful and emotionally draining. You may feel angry, frustrated, helpless, and scared. You may also feel guilty and responsible for their behavior, as if you could have done something to prevent the addiction.
- Financial problems: Addiction is expensive. Addicts often spend a lot of money on their drug or alcohol of choice, which can put a strain on your finances. You may also have to pay for their medical bills, legal fees, and other expenses related to their addiction.
- Physical harm: Addicts are more likely to engage in risky behaviors, such as driving under the influence or having unprotected sex. This can have risks for your well-being as well, potentially causing you emotional or physical harm.
- Social isolation: Addiction can isolate you from friends and family. The addict may be too ashamed or embarrassed to socialize, or they may be spending all of their time with other addicts. This can leave you feeling alone and unsupported.
- Job loss: Addiction can lead to job loss. Addicts may miss work due to their addiction, or they may be fired for their behavior. This can put a strain on your finances and make it difficult to make ends meet.
If you are struggling with the effects of someone else’s addiction, it is important to seek help. There are many resources available to help you cope with the emotional and financial challenges of living with an addict.
The Find Addiction Rehabs team can help you find professional treatment programs, support groups, counseling, and financial assistance to help you through this difficult time.
Distance Yourself from an Addicted Family Member
For people with an addicted child, spouse, family member, or friend, the idea of creating space between you and that person can seem crazy. It is ingrained into our nature as humans to want to help our loved ones in any way we can.
However, after we have given all of our money, all of our sanity, and all our heartfelt pleas, having done everything in our power to get them to stop, we have to come to the realization that there is nothing we can do for them until they are ready to face their unhealthy behaviors on their own.
One of the hardest aspects of learning to cope with loving an addict is that there is nothing that can be done for them until they are entirely ready to stop making excuses and decide that it is time to get clean.
Until that time comes, we have to distance ourselves. As an addicted child and someone who loves an addict, I think I have a pretty good view of the subject. I can honestly say that before I was ready to admit I had a problem with drugs and alcohol, there was nothing that my parents could do.
The Gift of Hitting Rock Bottom
My mom tried her best, but ultimately, it was just her desperate attempt to ensure that I wouldn’t get any worse than I already was. For example, she knew the whole time what I was doing, but when I asked her for money, she would try her best to say no, but after I manipulated and sobbed and threatened her, she would eventually give in.
Years later, she told me she always caved in on giving me money because at least that way she knew I wouldn’t have to steal it from someone else. So yes, my mother enabled me, but in the end, she did it out of love.
How was she supposed to know that she was just halting my “bottom” and slowing the admitting process? But bless her heart she tried to save me. It wasn’t until she finally stopped talking to me entirely, that only a few short weeks later, I was calling her for a ride to Detox.
You know when they say if you love something, let it go? While yes, this is in regards to romance usually, it applies to this situation as well. The more we love someone, the harder it may be to distance ourselves from their addictive behavior, but have no doubt that if we want the best for them, it is absolutely necessary.
Surrender as a Path to Freedom
So how can it be done? For starters, regardless if your loved one has admitted defeat yet or not, it is never too late for you to try out an Al-anon meeting. The Al-anon fellowship is a sister of Alcoholics Anonymous and is for family members, friends, and loved ones of addicts and alcoholics. It follows a 12-step program, where members get a sponsor, work through their steps, and learn how to cope with and maintain healthy relationships with their loved ones, even if it means staying miles away.
Another way to distance yourself from an addict is, depending on your situation, you can block their number, change the locks on the house, etc, etc. Physically leaving the person and cutting contact is going to be tough, but a clean break has a better chance of healing properly. Here’s the deal, the more an addict knows they can manipulate someone, the more they will do it.
Distance Yourself from an Addict: Creating Healthy Boundaries
Creating healthy boundaries for yourself is the top priority here. It may seem mean or heartless at the time, but trust me, take it from an addict, it is the best possible thing that can be done to us. Having no lifelines left usually means a quicker “rock bottom” for many of us, which usually means a quicker recovery.
Healthy boundaries can vary in each situation, but for starters, learn how to say no, take control of the situation, and walk away. Remove yourself from the situation or relationship. Try your best to not be in the same room when you’re being manipulated. It is the easiest way to unintentionally enable your loved one. Step away, and keep your wits about you.
How to Keep Compassionate from Afar
It seems hard and cold and heartless, I know. But if you care about and love your addict, this is the only thing that can be done for them. It is only once we have burned all of our bridges do we get to a point where we become willing to find a way back to shore. And if not, if we aren’t ready yet, then there is no human power that can stop us until we are truly and finally ready.
So if you are in a constant fight between your addicted loved one and their drug or drink of choice, the most helpful thing that you can do for your loved one’s health is to step away from the battle and not engage in the war over their drinking or drug use anymore.
Just know that when they finally do come to their bottom, they will obtain the gift of desperation, and they will choose to recover. Everything that follows this admittance of defeat will be a beautiful and fulfilling life. But again, you have to distance yourself from an addict you love.
Holding a Successful Intervention
An intervention is a planned confrontation of a person who is struggling with addiction. It is an opportunity for loved ones to express their concerns and offer help. Interventions can be very successful in getting someone into treatment, but they are only effective if they are done correctly.
Here are some tips to keep in mind when approaching a loved one about their substance misuse:
- Get help from a professional: A professional interventionist can help you plan the intervention and make sure it goes smoothly. They can also provide support to you and your loved ones before, during, and after the intervention.
- Choose the right time and place: The intervention should be held in a private setting where the person struggling with addiction will feel comfortable and safe. It is also important to choose a time when the person is not under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
- Invite the right people: Only invite people who are close to the person struggling with addiction and who have been affected by their substance abuse. It is also important to invite people who are supportive and who can offer help and encouragement.
- Be prepared: Before the intervention, take some time to practice what you will say. It is also helpful to write down your thoughts and feelings about the person’s addiction. This will help you stay calm and focused during the intervention.
- Be respectful: The goal of the intervention is to help the person struggling with addiction, not to shame or blame them. Be respectful of their feelings and listen to their concerns.
- Offer help: Let the person struggling with addiction know that you love and support them. Offer to help them find treatment and make sure they know that you are there for them.
If you are considering holding an intervention, it is important to remember that it is a serious step. However, if done correctly, an intervention can be a powerful tool in helping someone get the treatment they need.
Helping Your Loved One Find Treatment
If your addicted loved one is finally ready to face the reality of their addiction and take responsibility for their well-being, there are several things you can do to help them get the treatment they need.
There are many behavioral health services available to help those recovering from addiction by putting their substance abuse habits in the past. The recovery process can be difficult, but there is hope.
By participating in a comprehensive treatment program, counseling services, family therapy, and other recovery methods, addicted individuals can overcome their substance abuse and get their lives back on the right track.
The Find Addiction Rehabs team is dedicated to helping families like yours better understand the rehabilitation process, and find treatment programs nationwide that are capable of serving all of your care needs.
Freedom From Addiction is Possible, Here!
If you have found yourself suffering from alcoholism or addiction, you are not alone! If you are ready to change your life and live free of addiction, then Find Addiction Rehabs can help. We give you the jump start to recovery you need.
The most important part of breaking free from substance addiction is finding the right rehab program. The facilities we work with are unique in that they don’t just treat the addiction, but the whole person.
We will personally work with you to build a treatment plan specific to your loved one’s recovery needs, verify your health insurance, and help you navigate the treatment process from start to finish. Call now to get started today!
