A few years ago I was hitting rock bottom. I found myself crying on the bathroom floor of a “trap house.” I hadn’t eaten, slept, or showered for two weeks. I was bloodied up from punching myself in the face, frustrated that I could not stop getting high. I had been crawling around on the floor, covered in dirt and fleas, in the hopes that I could find just a little bit of “something” that myself or someone else could have dropped.
I had been crawling for several hours, checking carpets, couch cushions, dresser tops, my own purse about a thousand times, everywhere I could think of, but to no avail. Everyone else was asleep, but every time I tried to stop myself from my search, I would HAVE to start again. I COULD NOT STOP. I was going insane. My mind was running on a loop and I could do nothing.
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Finally, in a heap on the floor, with a bloody lip and a black eye from my own fists, I cried out to God. I honestly didn’t even really expect results, as this was just another one of my foxhole prayers, but I begged him. I pleaded with him to please just help me stop, please stop my mind, please let me sleep, please help me off of my hands and knees.
As I sat and cried for what felt like hours, my drug dealer walked in and asked if I would drive him to go re-up. My whole world became brighter again. I thanked God, wiped my tears, and practically ran to the car.
When we stopped for gas on the way, my mother happened to be filling up her tank at the same station. We hadn’t seen each other in weeks, and when we made eye contact, we ran to each other. She hugged me as we cried, and told me everything was going to be okay. Then, this sweet, timid, gentle woman walked up to my extremely intimidating drug dealer and said she would drive him home if he needed it, but that I wouldn’t be going. She drove me to detox that day.
Three days later, I was discharged. I thought I was all cured, and I planned on going back to the trap. When my mother, who had never been able to tell me what to do (bless her heart, how she tried) had picked me up, I told her my plan. I was going to shower, eat, and go back out to chill with “friends.” She laughed and said, “No sweetie, I’m driving you to Florida, I already packed your bags, they’re in the trunk.”
I never knew that this would be my turning point. I never knew that God works and speaks through other people. To be honest, I never even knew if he actually existed.
The Beauty of Hitting Rock Bottom
The definition of rock bottom is “the lowest possible level.” Most of us in the fellowship are quite familiar with our own. Some of us still have to keep digging to find it. But the beauty in hitting our lowest level is that we are given the gift of desperation. We admit we are powerless.
In my early days of drinking and partying, I never would have guessed that I was going to be a full blown alcoholic addict. I knew I partied hard, for sure, but I almost prided myself on the knowledge that I could ingest toxic amounts of drugs and alcohol. I never thought that it would all some day bring me to my knees, literally and physically.
But you know what, I’m grateful that it did. Sure, I hurt people, lied, stole, and sullied myself for my addiction, but today, I have the opportunity and THE CHOICE to be a woman of integrity. My rock bottom resulted in my rebirth. I have been shown a way of life better than anything I ever thought was possible.
Hitting Rock Bottom & The Turning Point
When we finally concede to ourselves that we are slaves to drugs and alcohol, we open the door to our new life. Often without even realizing, we take the first step in recovery, we admit we are powerless, and our lives have become unmanageable.
Everything after this, if we make a solid effort, will result in an earth shattering, mind altering change in who we are as people.
Hitting Rock Bottom is the most beautiful gift we can be given.
For most of us, we will go to detox, then treatment, then halfway, the whole nine yards. And sometimes, when we start feeling better, we can forget how dark our bottom was. This is why it’s important for us to dive, head first, into the program. If you are anything like me, you might recoil at the thought of going to meetings. I always thought AA was the sad and depressing scenes I saw in movies. I thought it was something secretive and hidden, that was shameful to be a part of.
On the contrary, it’s everything but shameful. What’s shameful, is the life we live as active drunks and addicts. The things we put ourselves and others through in order to just quiet the pain we feel is shameful. That life can be over the minute you step into a fellowship. All you need to do to get better is a few simple tasks.
- Find a sponsor (someone of the same gender you admire)
- Work your steps (I promise, they aren’t aren’t scary as they might seem at first)
- Keep going back to meetings (and raise your hand, say you need help, I guarantee you will get it)
The Reward That Comes
If you are brand new, I assume you never would have guessed you would have ended up where you are now. I know I didn’t. If there is anything I have learned, though, it’s that a new way of life IS possible. All I have to do is keep an open mind and be willing to take suggestions. Last but not least, no matter what, I never forget how beautifully painful my rock bottom was.
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Freedom From Addiction
If you have found yourself suffering in addiction, you are not alone! If you are ready to change your life and live free of addiction, then FindAddictionRehabs.com can help. We give you the jump start to recovery as well as teach relapse prevention including learning healthy outlets in sobriety . Our program is unique in that it doesn’t just treat the addiction, it treats the whole person. For more information on our program, call 1-877-959-7271 today.